


Goodbye Girl

by unlikelyteller



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Hurt Castiel, Hurt Dean Winchester, M/M, Male Slash, My First AO3 Post, My First Castiel/Dean Winchester Fanfiction, My First Fanfic, My First Fanwork, My First Work in This Fandom, POV Dean Winchester, Supernatural Reverse Big Bang Challenge, Supernatural Reverseverse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-30
Updated: 2017-06-30
Packaged: 2018-11-21 11:07:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11356239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unlikelyteller/pseuds/unlikelyteller
Summary: Everything on earth now was fine and so Dean thought it could be the right time for his own life to start over as he had some moment with the angel, but it seems like the latter's idea of it turned out to be otherwise, and things were better left untold.





	Goodbye Girl

**Author's Note:**

> To begin with, this short, one-shot fict is a slightly AU of what will go on between Dean and Castiel after the God-and-Amara/Light-and-Darkness reconciliation.  
> Long overdue. 
> 
> "I'm a bitter-sweet writer, for all you know." 
> 
> Again, English in not my mother tongue.  
> Please forgive me for grammatical errors. 
> 
> Warning: Hearts blues ahead. But this one's softer than the first one.  
> There you go.

Dean and Castiel were sitting on a bench in a park.  Castiel was enjoying watching people.  Dean noticed Castiel was smiling, and he stared at him for a while.  Then, Dean began to speak.

"Cas..."

The angel panned his head. "Yeah?"

"Since...God wasn't around anymore and,..it's up to everyone now what will happen on his own. Well, what's your plan now?"

Castiel looked back watching the people. "I'll go back to the way I used to be." Dean did understood what his angel meant.  He tried to change his mind. 

"Won't you want to just live like a human, stay here with us?"

"I'll rather stay as an angel," Castiel replied plainly. 

"What for? Things won't get worse like it used to and everything started to change after the sacrifice."

"There'll be peace in me if I can still guard you and keep you from harm--things that I can only do if I'm an angel."

"You don't mean you'll do that forever, do you?"  

Castiel looked away and smiled.

"Cas, don't." 

Castiel looked back at Dean. "What's the matter?"

They looked at each other for a while, until Castiel looked away again and softly sighed.  Dean, still staring at Castiel, tried to say something.

"Cas, I..."

"I know it, Dean. You don't need to mention it."  Dean was surprised.  He honestly never had the thought that Castiel already knew his feelings. 

"What? Why? Why don't you let me say it?" 

"Because hearing you say it will just be enough reason for me not to go. And with that, it will be hard for me to keep my promise." Dean got more surprised with Castiel's unrestrained confessions.

"But, Cas, you don't just let things like this. This is not just a freakin' medicine you don't want to take just because it sucks. Com'on, Cas!"

Castiel remained silent and looking away, as if not bothered by Dean's concern.

 

* * *

 

Dean and Castiel went back the Winchester's apartment. Sam wasn't home. Dean noticed Castiel was kind of wondering across the room. Castiel slowly stopped in the middle, his face looked down, and seemed lonely. Surprisingly, Dean walked near and got so close right behind Castiel. Castiel got surprised and felt his heartbeats and breathed deeply as Dean drew his face behind his ear and whispered. His lips almost kissing Castiel's ear. 

"You always stand so close to me, violating the rule of personal space. I never had the chance to do the same to you. But tonight, I'm not gonna miss the chance." 

Castiel turned around to face Dean. "Dean, what are you...?"

Dean quickly grabbed Castiel's lips and pushed themselves to the wall. They stayed there for a moment. Dean slowly opened his eyes slightly, followed by Castiel. Feeling each other's heartbeat and longing, they closed their eyes again and softly tasted each other's lips. Dean disengaged, and kissed Castiel's cheek, then down to his neck. Breathing deeply, Castiel asked in a kind of whisper. "What the hell is this?" Dean started to put off Castiel's trench coat and unbuttoned his polo. Dean also put off his jacket and t-shirt. Castiel looked confused. "Damn it, Dean!" 

Dean held Castiel's face and looked straight to his eyes. They paused for a while, then Dean drew near his face against Castiel's and kissed near his ear.  Feeling it on his senses, Castiel closed his eyes and breathed deeply. Dean kissed Castiel's cheek once more, then they looked at each other with their faces so close. They looked at each other. Dean looked down to Castiel's lips, then back to his eyes, with heavy breathing. 

"Cas,..." 

Castiel seemed to understand what it meant when his name came out from his jilted lover's mouth.  With the feeling of being on the same shoes, he replied. "I'm so sorry, Dean." 

Dean quivered and looked unhappy of what he heard. He dragged himself to Castiel's and kissed him hungrily. Their noses were rubbing against each other, and their eyes were like dreaming.  Both of them knew it was a moment to take advantage, to be cherished forever, before the forthcoming loneliness.

 

* * *

 

Dean was lying his head at Castiel's lap on the bed. They were holding each other's hand, placed on Dean's chest. He looked up to see Castiel's face. 

"You're too silent.  You're not really chatty, were you?" 

"I was thinking just how amazing that Father created the beauty of everything here." 

"Can you be more specific?" _Oh yeah, we're chatting, finally._

"What part of the word "everything" escapes your understanding?" 

"Oh!  Maybe I just wanted to verify if you're talking about animals,...or politics..."

"Politics?" 

"Ah!  Pointless." 

There was a three-second pause. _Or silence._

"You know I'm not very good at human conversations." 

"Yeah.  Sorry, I forgot that." 

Both of them kept quiet for a while.  Dean felt he failed to make their last minutes leave a light atmosphere between them.  Castiel, on the other hand, was composing a farewell for his beloved, behind his silence.  He would broke it as soon as he's ready to spiel his speech, he thought. "Humanity have its own definition of humor."

Dean felt relief from the downplay of the early conversation upon hearing this, and had that look on his face like kidding. "You fell in love with it."  

Dean turned his head back in place, smiling.  Castiel just went silent.  But it seemed like the smiling of the other still couldn't deny the fact that a separation was about to come.   With this thought, Dean held onto his angel's hand tighter, and swallowed to clear his throat, with his angel unwantedly waiting for the time.  His eyes blinked a few times, until it honestly showed the loneliness inside him.  He might not admit, but he was hoping that Castiel observed or at least felt that burden in him.  But what he didn't know was that his angel was actually staring at him, and yes, sadly, for the last time. 

"How long are we settling like this?" Castiel didn't respond and looked away with his face neutral.  Dean looked up to see what's with the angel's silence. 

"Cas...You know, I hate this waiting crap.  How about recording your voice so I'll have your souvenir?" He was trying to lighten up the burden on his chest through these words.  Castiel knew it wasn't easy for the both of them, but he remained steady. 

"Dean, you might never realize how you influenced every part of me.  I was fascinated.  This human life, I deeply understood and appreciated it, by you.  I've learned lessons; I've had mistakes, and knew the use of the term "chance" to correct it.  I've had this emotions that tricked me in every way.  All; all the more of these, all began with you." 

Dean knew these angelic speech was already a vivid farewell.  Honestly, he never thought Castiel have these feelings towards him.  It was flattering.  His overwhelmed heart left him almost speechless, as he got up his resting body and turned to face his angel. 

"Cas..." 

Seemed like heard nothing from the other with his face lightened up as if in front of the heaven's door, Castiel spieled his very sincere appreciation. "...Thank you, Dean, for everything." 

Dean's eyes showed how melted he got by hearing this.  His body seemed paralyzed; he's like a statue in front of an amazing structure poured with its greatness.  From the bottom of his heart, he wanted to sum up everything he wanted to say as a reply, but the very words were forbidden by the angel.  Their hearts were breaking, they both knew that, and it got worse as time continuously drove its own way to the end.  They stared at each other; their bodies were unmoving and eyes were talking with words that couldn't come out from their rooms but waves from their windows--the words only spoken through their teary eyes.  Dean slowly shook his head along with uttered breathing, and his lips quivered and pressed so as to keep himself from letting out the screaming that comes from within. 

_I stayed for a while like it's forever, because I know in my heart, I'm dying to hear it right from his lips.  But I also know how dangerous and risky that is, so I have to go before he could finally say it. I'm dying to hear it, but he'll probably die just to say the words, and I won't be able to save him._

A sound of quick flap of wings brought Dean to unintentionally held his breath in surprise, then hardly released it—Castiel abruptly disappeared right before his eyes.  The angel did this, not to prolong his own agony, upon realizing his own desire to have his frustrated wish granted, and just before the words could actually escape from the hunter's mouth.  With a smirk and a poor sarcastic laugh, sadness and longing started to emerge right at that moment.  He insanely ceased himself, and his face looked angry with hurtfulness, having that thought of missing the chance to express himself.  It seemed like the regret will be forever, he whispered in a heavy manner, 

"Damn it, Cas! Should have let me say it...", 

_...at least, for the first and last time._

**Author's Note:**

> Please don't hate me for this another "heart blues" (after One Night Only). It's been more than a year since I've began searching and reading Destiel fan fictions and I was so glad I've dropped by in this site (and to some others). I've began being a fan of some stories I've already read here, and I got more inspired to share my own fictional stories with DeStiel theme (I'm a DIE-HARD FAN). I'm still new to writing for public viewing so please excuse me if I may not be as good (or great) as the other writers (particularly in this site), but first let me thank you enough for your time to drop by on this page of mine and take a look for my amateur job (still I love my own writing anyway, and for me it's my piece of masterpiece). 
> 
> Thank you so much for your spending a little of your precious time reading this. This stuff was actually written early last year and was first posted to my other account in another posting site.  
> Hope you still appreciated this though it's heartbreaking. Destiel isn't still canon and my pain appears to my writings about this ship. *I'm not crying.*
> 
> And again, please, please send me some feedback and let me know how you find my story. :)


End file.
